So I’m 5 weeks away from being completely finished up with film school.
The following image is mostly (but not completely) how I feel:
Aside from “OMG I’LL MISS U GUISE SO MUCH!” I… I don’t know how I feel about it all at this present time.
In two short years I’ve learned so much about a lot of things, met so many awesome (and occasionally, not-so-awesome) people. While it has been indeed “only two years” as many people have said throughout my first semester where all I pretty much reported back to the masses was “OH GOD I CAN’T DO THIS. I WANT MY OLD SOUL-CRUSHING JOB BACK WHERE I WAS A QUIET FUCKUP AND NEVER TOOK ANY RISKS”, it’s been a long and stressful undertaking and certainly a change. For better or worse (mostly better).
Everything I went into the school to learn or have a go at, I accomplished and now have a nice little group of films under my belt as a result. Under no major circumstances can I fault the school, it’s lecturers or my fellow students (for the most part) as my time at IFSS was ultimately enjoyable and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.
I’ve learned a lot about people too. A lot of it relates to “what makes for a good film crew”, but a few other things as well. Not to be “that guy”, but I certainly found out who my friends were and who I’d still want in my life when I’m old and could probably shit my pants on command.
That said, there is a lot of things I would have done differently. Some changeable or at least can be hammered into shape with some late-night revision over all the poorly-scribbled lecture notes, some simply comes down to “shit happens”. Out of anything, I want a do-over of my first year. Because I was too busy being a whiny shit about this fish-out-of-water syndrome I was having (along with many failed attempts to resolve this 3-years-and-counting bout of singlehood, which ultimately led to heartbreak and me being even more bitter and cynical and would ultimately become the major theme of my graduating film) that frankly, I’m not sure if I actually understood everything I was there to learn. Any other do-overs would be the times I was too sick to come in (which -at it worst, were days or weeks at a time).
I’d also have waited until HiOP was completely done and launched so I had no other major obligations. For that first semester, it was rough trying to juggle a school workload, a however-brief work commitment, PLUS the whole social anxiety thing, plus having to edit and upload HiOP in the downtime to cries of “this should have been up already, the fuck are you doing?” because frankly, I don’t think people had it in their heads that film school was a major (and expensive) priority and they were having none of this highfalutin “I’m currently doing school-related things, so HiOP will have to wait” business.
(Just as an aside, I could rant on and on about how little positive support I had when I needed it, but that’s not the point of this post)
On a similar tangent, I wouldn’t have had voluntarily increased my workload more than I could handle at one time. I really need to stop doing that.
Ideally, I would have also ensured I had a job by the time film school rolled around instead of trying to play transfer form tag between two stores who ultimately, lost the form entirely and by May 2011 I was out of a job altogether. (Thanks Coles)
All it all it’s been a rough two years, but then, these things happen for a reason, don’t they? One door closes and some lazy twat comes in, drinks all the tea and leaves a window open or somesuch optimistic bollocks.
I don’t know what the to do next. I mean, I have one or two milestones for myself but they’re too big to really concern myself with right now. I’m talking about IMMEDIATE concerns I’m having (re-entering the workforce, for example has been a rather looming black cloud over my head the past seven weeks). I don’t think I’m interested in pursuing another film project in great detail for a while. I’ll keep writing and hopefully something good will plop out of my subconscious that is worth looking into, but I’d say -at least right now, I’m ready for something new and exciting entirely. What that “something” is, I don’t know.
All I know is, it better be bloody fantastic.