So let’s say you’ve recently bought a fancy new computer for primarily work purposes. Let’s also say you’re like me and thus, a digital hoarder.

We both know how this is going to end. Consider this a warning.

STAGE ONE (or ‘Holy crap I bought a new computer and it’s AWESOME’)

This is the best stage ever, unless you didn’t do your research and bought a dud. Everything’s so squeaky clean and you have TONS of harddrive space to play with. It’s great!

However, all good things must come to an end.

STAGE TWO (or ‘My new computer is boring’)

It’s a brand new computer! So of course, there’s nothing on it. So you install all your usual go-tos, Steam, Spotify, iTunes, Minecraft until…

STAGE THREE (or “I could do this work, or…”)

With every fresh install there’s a new distraction. By this point, you’re logged into Steam constantly, streamed gigs worth of music and probably built a giant dong-fort in Minecraft.

Bask in it’s glory!

The more “fun” things you put on it, the less work you do and of course, it comes to…

STAGE FOUR: (or ‘*hack* *wheeze* need more space!’)

I’ve yet to get to this stage because I have tons of external hard-drives. But that day is coming.

You’ve hoarded all your favourite memes, music, lolcat pictures (or just pictures of “things that are cool”), games, the list is unending.

Even with the public embrace of streaming porn, you’ve got enough hot sweaty bodies pressed up against eachother in a bastard child of Twister and a Salvador Dali painting that you eventually go out and buy a hard-drive.

Of course, external powered drives are a pain in the ass for laptops and hub-powered ones are expensive. So you’re either at a loss of desk space, have a burning hole in your wallet or make the “Iron Throne” out of USB thumbdrives.

STAGE FIVE: (or ‘ This computer sucks’)

Your fancy computer is now running slower than a pot-smoking turtle. You’ve downloaded the entire internet and most of the programs you have installed are games from Steam. Things aren’t going so well for your new hardware right now.

Of course, you could reformat… But that’s annoying, all your hard-drives are filled up, and your computer is like, seven years old in technology years. Plus the new Intel processor came out and everyone laughs at the fact you only have 4 gigs of ram. Also, who the hell uses your video card anymore? The Amish. That’s who.

“I can run two instances of Minesweeper on this baby!”

So what do you do? Start the whole damn process again. With a new computer.

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