So I emailed My last post, an open letter to the party leaders of the Greens, Labor and Liberal parties to come and play Call of Duty over a few beers out to their respective inboxes.

For those who aren’t in Australia (or don’t give a shit), here’s now it breaks down, complete with prospective gamer handles for them all:

THE GREENS – Led by Christine Milne, stand for NBN, Refugee and LGBT rights, increasing the film industry in Australia, and renewable energy. Your typical “hippie” party. In my opinion they’re pretty great.

CHRISTINE MILNE’S HANDLE: MeanGreenChristine

LABOR – Current party in power, led by Kevin Rudd. Stand for LGBT rights, the NBN, the Gonski education reform, but are a little lacking in their bedside manner when it comes to asylum seekers (though points for actually stopping the boats, while Liberals are merely going to pretend they don’t exist). Famous this year for numerous leadership spills and for being completely and unfairly shat on by the media. In my opinion they’re not bad, but when they say they want to “give everyone a fair go”, they need to… you know, give EVERYONE a fair go. That includes the fucking brown people on boats, you guys.

KEVIN RUDD’S HANDLE: RuddTheStudd

LIBERAL/NATIONAL COALITION – Australia’s conservative “keep the rich richer and forget the poor exist” posterboys, led by Tony Abbott and Rupert Murdoch. their main policies are to throw handfuls of shit at Labor’s apparent incompetence (of course, sensationalized by the media) and call Kevin Rudd names, followed by a steady six-point-plan to keep anyone who isn’t white out of Australia and make huge cuts to essential and critical services, to get Australia’s economy into a surplus we don’t need. They recently brought out a paid parental leave scheme for people who already have shitloads of money, while threatening to cut services to the hospitals who would potentially deliver the babies they’re giving birth to. In my opinion, they’re a bit shit. Which is like saying that Hitler was “a bit mean to jews and homosexuals”.

TONY ABBOTT’S HANDLE: StopTheBoats

So far the only person who has bothered to respond personally is the office of Christine Milne. Shout-out to Felicity Gray for getting back to me with a personalized, albeit short response.

Tony Abbott’s office not only spectacularly failed to give me the correct gender pronoun (opting for the formal-but-still-generic “Sir or Madam”, when my name was CLEARLY PRINTED in my initial email), but  threw in a snide remark about Labor’s “incompetence” and “untrustworthiness”. Despite the fact that the Coalition has been wonderfully non-transparent about their policies, costings, and issues.

To be honest, I’m wondering if Tony Abbott knows what an Xbox is…

 

No word from Kevin Rudd as of yet, but I’ll update as soon as one comes in. He’s probably figuring out his BlOps2 loadout or something for when we throw down. Sneaky bugger.

 

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