The New Futurama Season No One Asked For 
Fatness, Mental Illness & Me. 
No Coming Out to Play 
The Message Is Loud and Clear: R**e is Fine, But No Hanky-Panky! 8:50am:
Let’s talk about quitting aids. Specifically the Nicorette lozenges.
What fresh hell is this shit? Who decides to make something using peppermint and fails miserably? Like, were they told what mint tasted like by someone who could barely speak English and had to do guesswork from there? Are they meant for people with a masochism kink? The fuck is going on here?
Oh, and they’re not like tic tacs. You can’t just chew them and go about your day. That shit is the Boba Fett to your Sarlacc; It has to be dissolved for what feels like a thousand years. So your mouth eventually fills up with minty goo, and swallowing that shit is worse than trying to get drunk on mouthwash. And you can’t do anything else in the meantime because you’ve got this minty fucking turd-capsule in your mouth and anyone who has tried to consume anything after brushing one’s teeth knows it’s the absolute fucking worst.
Normally I like minty things. I thought this would be fine. I was lied to and betrayed. I just had to brush my teeth to remember what fucking mint actually tastes like.
0/10 don’t recommend.
9:35am:
For comparison’s sake, I cracked at about 8:15am yesterday. So FUCK YEAH. NEW HIGH SCORE!
I’m not feeling the cravings as much. Patches appear to be helping but may be a placebo effect (they’re working too well. I haven’t called anything a cunt yet). But something is puzzling me…
What the hell do you non-smokers do all day?
I have spent the last five minutes wandering around listlessly looking for something to do. Had a crack on the guitar for about 10 minutes, gave the Xbox a look and a hearty “meh” soon after, now I’m just watching Youtube and prepping for editing work that I have been neglecting for months.
Okay granted, I’m home sick from work so there’s the extra boredom factor to tackle, but work has smoke breaks, and lunch, and whatnot, so I’d probably feel the same way there, too.
I bought a Rubix cube to distract myself. I’m going to solve the fucking thing by tonight at this rate. Good lord.
Is this what non-smoking life is like? Just being endlessly fucking bored?
“Oh being a non-smoker is soooo great. You can breathe better, and less likely to die of horrible diseases, and doing any amount of exercise doesn’t fucking send you to an early grave, and you won’t sound like Tom Waits!”
Yeah, great. All for what? To stare at a fucking wall all day? How the hell do you people keep yourselves entertained?
And for the record, hypothetical non-smoker person; Tom Waits is a fucking champ. Those dulcet tones that sound like a badger being force-fed a running lawnmower make people weep, okay? Don’t make me car-bomb you for being a fucking embarrassment.
