Doing a social media cleanup. Found this in the void which is Facebook memories.
posting here for posterity. enjoy.
A cross section of Roses chocolates: A tasty, indulgent, and diabetic coma-inducing research paper by T. A. Farto.
(Alternative title: “I have chocolate and you don’t. Ner-ner-ner”)
One thing of note is modern packaging has made the text hard to read for the sight-impaired. Thus fulfilling what hereafter shall be referred to as “The Gump Theorem”.
To further complement the above, all chocolates are individually wrapped in similar-coloured packaging. This is known colloquially as the “Go Fuck Yourself Theorem”.
The chocolate themselves can be categorized as follows:
10% – Actually Good. These are the ones that one hordes for themselves like a dragon. These are solely what Roses boxes should comprise of.
70% – Trash. Possibly put into box to deter thieves or anyone in the 10-45 age demographic.
20% – What you offer to mates. They’re not in the top 10 percentile but these eventually make it into the hands of others, or your own after you’re hungover on New Years Day and there’s nothing in the house left.
20% – I failed at basic math in high school. Blow me.
Conclusion: Favourites are still the shit. Or, at least the branding is clearly marked so you know what to avoid.
More research is required to accurately place each individual serving into categories (read: I’m probably going to polish the box off anyway, because I have no shame).
NOTE: Preference of chocolate is highly subjective and the quality thereof is debateable. Except for whatever that pinky-white piece of shit is supposed to be. Best avoided or pelted at cars.
IF YOU’VE READ THIS FAR:
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