Achievement unlocked! You navigated to the “let me write stuff!” page!

Look, I don’t know how to start these things. Give me a break.

Anyway, if you’re here you either accidentally clicked on the wrong thing whilst trying to navigate to your Onlyfans babe du-jour or you actually want to write for us.

Either way.

At the moment we’re taking article submissions from most walks of life (we’re dirty whores, here. We’ll take it all) So it’s honestly easier to write what Don’t Eat the Felafel won’t accept, so here’s that.

-Nothing racist, sexist, transphobic, bigoted, or otherwise cunty (there are some exceptions, but just assume your pitch will be rejected)
-Articles pitched must be your own work. Budding Filip Miucins’ can look elsewhere.

-You are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, and you’re not submitting an article on behalf of Anish Kapoor

Think you can handle that? Cool! Send us a pitch over at compoundfiasco at gmail dot com with the subject headline: “DETF – ARTICLE PITCH”